Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I'm finding it hard to motivate myself this week, primarily because my mind is adrift on several planes simultaneously. Rectifying the problem isn't easy and although you try to align the wave patterns so that they have some sort of hierarchical semblance, your thoughts reach an impasse and you find yourself in a swirling spiral with no apparent end. In fact, the last three or four days have flown by and I have achieved absolutely nothing. The way I feel at the moment, procrastination itself would be liable to take a back seat if such a statement were possible!
I have just watched Germany play Turkey tonight in the European Championships.
No - Germany weren't lucky. They were complacent. It's a bit like two snooker players when one of them knows he is a lot better than the other. The better player becomes complacent if the mood strikes him but deep down he knows that he can step up a gear if losing becomes a distinct possibility. And that's precisely what Germany did. Their power and strength shone through in the end, although in saying that, the first forty-five minute period was like watching an England team under Steve McClaren: thoroughly boring and a definite soporific for insomniacs.
People are already writing Russia off against Spain and that's a very dangerous thing to do. Russia are more than capable of ruining Spain's chances and I would just love to see certain people eat their words. We will find out tomorrow evening where, unfortunately, viewers in the UK will have to watch in between the insufferable commercial breaks. I really can't understand why ITV bother to have a discussion panel - the adverts are on for far longer than the participants and, should there be a time when your TV set is going to be hurled through the nearest window, then this will be it. Take a tip from Thorolf - turn the volume off and switch your radio on to BBC 5 Live. The commentary is head and shoulders above that of ITV and I would further suggest that if your temperament and utter contempt for adverts is anything like mine, the health of your TV set will prosper for a while to come....

Not a lot to say today folks. It's probably a bad Earth or a faulty bulb or something but I'll fix it. I'll do something about these ridiculous analogies too.
Wishing you all well. Ciao.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Thorolf is in ebullient mood tonight after Germany's win over Portugal and the Germans now cruise through to the Semi-Finals of the UEFA European Football Championship.
If there's one thing which you will notice about the posts in Thorolf's blog, it is that you will not catch him parroting the bias and the tripe often spouted in the mass media. The UK Press seem to have some sort of fixation with a hatred of the Germans and try to instill this peculiar idea in it's readers' heads. You'd think by now that all these "readers" would have formed an opinion of their own, considering the amount of times that the UK Press gets it wrong, but no. Sheep are sheep after all and will blindly follow the one in front, never daring to stray. Most of them probably never even made it as last choice into the school football team and I suspect that the remainder probably never even kicked a ball. Yet it is these cretins who profess to know everything about the game and it's plainly ludicrous. Thorolf's own credentials, whilst not those of a professional playing capacity - do fare slightly better. I was Captain of two school teams and was selected to play for an Area side in the North-West. Readers from Redditch will remember my nick-name of "Chico" - after the Aston Villa player. Those were the days!

I think it was the James Bond author, Ian Fleming, who once wrote this piece of advice to budding writers: "If it sounds good - chuck it out!"
Thorolf has sagely followed this tip whilst working on The Lambretta Saga and it is hurriedly being re-written, edited and hacked at. There's probably more on the cutting-room floor than in the actual blog but no matter, it will be here shortly.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I'm twenty-four hours late with this post which was promised for the 16th June so sincere apologies. I was met with a particularly gruelling schedule at work over the weekend and managed only four hours sleep between shifts. To say I was tired out would be an under-statement. Yesterday, it caught up with me and I metamorphosed into Rip Van Winkle. My mattress has never felt so flat. There was one, brilliant outcome to the Weekend though - the neuralgia decided to take a hike and has disappeared into the wilderness. For now.
However, I digress.
There are a lot of people world-wide reading this blog and one of the reasons how I know this is due, in the main, to StatCounter.Com
It's a free hit-counter which analyses one's web-traffic and provides every kind of statistic possible. It gives me the locations of every IP, it's country, region and even the type of browser in use. It also gives me a breakdown of returning visitors, unique visitors and how long they have been logged on. I was going to compile my own hit-counter written in JavaScript but I hadn't accounted for the problem of Server Side Includes or SSI for short. Truth be told, it's about the only free thing I've had which has ever worked or actually lived up to it's promises. I have no connection to this company except in the capacity as customer and if you write your own blog or run a website, then check it out. Thanks to I know I am regaling readers from as far afield as the USA, the Philippines, Norway, Finland, Sweden, Trinidad, Italy, Mexico, Germany, Australia, and even China, to name but a few.

I see that my team Germany managed to qualify for the Quarter-Finals last night and we now play Portugal. Although last night's match against Austria was a pretty boring affair, I expect Germany will step up a gear against Portugal because if they don't, they'll be heading for home.
I am praying for an Italian win against the French later today but we will have to wait and see. The French are no push-overs and they haven't really got into their stride yet which is a shame. They have quality players who are just not living up to expectations and poor old Ribery is running his guts out to no avail.
Aside from Football, Thorolf has been busy scrawling notes for a future post about his antics aboard a Lambretta scooter in Cornwall which will be ready sometime later this week. Only a quick post today because I have a lot to do. I've got to sort out a shave for one thing because at the moment I feel like an unclipped hedge. Ciao.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

There isn't a day in my life when I do not indulge in a bit of nostalgia, good or bad, although I try not to think of the bad times too much. I can't help re-living old memories, it's part of my genetic make-up which only a lobotomy could ever take away from me. My imagination has always been extremely potent and I have a unique ability to whisk myself back in time to any year I choose. Music is an extremely powerful stimulant for me and an old record played on the radio instantaneously regresses the old grey cells. I can not only pinpoint the year but also the month and what I was actually doing at the time. I can beat almost ANYBODY in a "guess-the-year" pop quiz and every tune brings forth a particular memory. I have also found music to be an invaluable aid in retaining certain pieces of handy information - it's just a matter of creating the right connection.
Deep-rooted in Thorolf's happy memories are the times he enjoyed at Praa Sands and Porthtowan, roaring along the Cornish lanes on a BSA C15SS 250cc motorcycle and on an excessively loud Triumph T25 Trophy. They were halcyon days when the County of Cornwall was less densely populated than it is now - life was more free and easy altogether. It's November 1975, the tune stuck in my head is "Sky-high" by an Australian group called JIGSAW and I have just prided myself on having built this BSA from scratch. It has been put together from assorted spares - and the only thing new about the whole project is a re-bore on the barrel and a brand new over-size piston. After a quick readjustment of the port inlet valve, she fires into life first kick and never gives me any trouble.
The Triumph is faster and possesses such a sweet exhaust note that people come to a complete halt with what they are doing just to get a look at this lovely beast. She is an eye-catcher, complete with white tank and matching side-panels and looks just like a police bike. Holiday-makers pause to take photographs when I park her under the lounge window on Beach Road. Thorolf is the envy of bikers everywhere, young and old, and he plays to the gallery! One day, I open her full throttle at the lights in Fore Street, Redruth, and gun her up the main drag where an elderley lady drops her shopping due to the thunderous roar and pedestrians are staring in jaw-dropping amazement. Over time, the silencer has slowly rotted away inside the exhaust pipe and she must easily be pumping out in excess of 200 decibels. I nudge her up into top as quickly as I can where the snarl of the engine levels out onto a more acceptable plateau and, although still very loud, Thorolf is extremely conscious of being stopped by the police. It is patently obvious to anyone, including all and any half-wits, that this bike is illegal in anybody's language, never mind the fact that she has recently passed her MOT. I wait until I get onto the new by-pass near Scorrier before I open her up again and head for open countryside.
Much, much later, during an oil-pump failure on the way to work one sunny October morning in 1979, I just about manage to limp her back to the house at Porthtowan. She is promptly stripped right down and the parts carefully catalogued and stored away in boxes ready for the coming rebuild. She is now resting in silence in my step-dad's garage, her throaty grunt no more. Alas, money shortages start to compound the rebuild problem and force Thorolf into a reluctant sale. The buyer lives near Portreath and as he loads her into a red transit van, I feel so sad because this is the last I will ever see of this lovely machine. The tune in my head? It's "Cruel to be kind" by NICK LOWE.
Coming soon: Thorolf's bizarre antics in Helston on a Lambretta Scooter. Don't miss it!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Just a quick blast on the keyboard today so any regular readers with the preconceived notion that they are going to be regaled with this blog's usually gripping style are going to be sorely disappointed. Cohesive and structured narrative shall be minimal and any resemblance to Thorolf's natural verve will be merely accidental.
Isn't it strange that the price of oil is continuing to go through the roof! The excuse which they use is blatantly disingenuous. In fact, it's an out and out lie. As I pointed out in a previous post, oil is not running out. In just one find in the North Sea, there's enough oil there to last for decades. See the link below to discover just how we are all being conned.


Next time some grubby politician tries to insult your intelligence by saying it's the fault of the Arabs and that by rationing the supply to America and thereby affecting the World economy, bear in mind the following.
The largest suppliers of oil to America are The Arabs, right?
Here's the top five suppliers of crude oil by volume to America: Canada, Saudi Arabia, Mexico, Nigeria and Venezuela.
Sorry guys, the whole thing is a giant scam manufactured by the New World Order to bring about an economic climate which furthers their agenda. You won't see the Main Stream Media investigating the personalities behind this fraudulent scheme because as complicit as they are in certain aspects of disinformation, they are not allowed to investigate it. The hidden hand forbids all such action.

On a different note, my team Germany beat Poland 2 - 0 last night. One should never underestimate the power and the strength of the Germans although they weren't really tested in Klagenfurt. Frings is a class act, Podborski excellent and the right-back Lahm would probably make a better forward than defender. The crunch will come against Croatia when we will find out just how proficient this German side really is. Last night was little more than the average stroll in the park but I fully expect Germany to top their group and make it to the Quarter-Finals. Personally, I think Italy are the main rivals to this German side. I may be wrong but I have a sneaking suspicion that Italy may just make the Final.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Thorolf has been accused many, many times of being a philanderer and womaniser during the pursuit of his hedonistic ideal, so I only thought it proper to put the record straight.
Thorolf's experience of women is exceptionally limited and for those of you who share a natural propensity for healthy skepticism, I will list all my girlfriends' names in alphabetical order.
First, there was Zelda, and after her came Zoey. I thought I had performed magnificently in bed with these beautiful bitches before later discovering that both of them suffered from chronic asthma.
Yes, obviously what I have just written was a joke and I just thought I'd start today's post with some light-hearted fun.
The FIFA European Football Championship starts soon and should be genuinely interesting. Thorolf will be glued to almost every match and fancies the Germans to win it. England aren't there for the simple reason that they don't deserve to be. They're just not good enough. Unfortunately, there are no Bobby Charlton's or Gazzas around any more to demonstrate how the English game should be played. They belong to a forgotten era. The quintessential art of the dribble has almost disappeared and has been replaced with an innumerable, needless string of repetitive passes which make the English game extremely boring to watch. Until they can actually learn to play with the desired skills to make their performances effective, England will continue to take a back seat despite all the hype of the media. Dismiss that statement if you will but results and the test of time will tell the same story.
On a change of note, I had to laugh when I heard this latest, ridiculous ruling from those lunatics over at the HEALTH AND SAFETY EXECUTIVE. Alumni at a university are no longer allowed to toss their mortar-boards into the air in celebration. Apparently, when the hat is on it's way down, it might collide with and injure someone. These faceless morons ought to be locked away for their own health and safety because one day somebody is going to snap. What a pitiful country in which we now live. As I've mentioned before, these laws have nothing to do with "Health and Safety" but have everything to do with control and will get progressively worse.
I will continue to refuse point blank to be forced into a mental prison by these idiots - and the resolve is my sine qua non.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Lets Pretend

George Orwell once said: "At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves."
Except, of course, if the mask you're wearing fits exceedingly well and there's no need to remove it, then you can keep your compatriots suitably fooled as to the "real" you. Life is full of pretences and is the subject of this particular post.
Today, Thorolf is going to pretend that the world he normally inhabits doesn't actually exist and re-enter the domain he left a fair few years ago. I'm quite looking forward to this experience because I've heard rumours that it's not really changed all that much so in essence I should be able to adapt quite quickly.
First thing to do I suppose, is to scan the TV schedule for June 4th 2008 to embrace the delights of the contemporary mind-set. I have no wish to be the odd one out because I can tell you that it's not very comforting. Besides, I need to know what I've been missing.
Wow! I see the BBC has a cracking evening line-up. Who would have thought it?
Lets see. At 8pm, there's a programme called "WHO HAS REMEMBERED WHAT NOT TO WEAR?". Sounds absolutely wonderful because there are two "super-models" advising us that we can look fantastic in clothes no matter what our shape. This is a must-watch!
At 9pm, a programme called "THE APPRENTICE" follows. It's all about five candidates being interviewed for a job and asking who will progress to the next stage. Should be nail-biting stuff. Better get the popcorn in.
Over on ITV, there's more riveting viewing about bodies again. At 9pm, a lot of people strip off to take their place to form the shape of an inspirational British man and woman. I think I'll have to record this one because it clashes with "THE APPRENTICE". Aren't they devils, these programme schedulers? I'm sure they do it on purpose. Damn their eyes! Still, it is my first day back so I haven't really got any right to complain. A lot to look forward to, even so.
The next most important item on my agenda is to catch up with the "news". In my world, we are taught that most of it is manufactured and/or distorted for the consumption of the masses so I must forget all about that today. Everything that is pre-supposed from my world has to be dismissed if I am to adapt.
It transpires that Barack Obama has promised unwavering support for Israel and that it's security remains paramount to each other's interests. Mr Obama sounds an awfully nice man. I mean he didn't have to do that - the thought has come deep from within his own heart. What a kind and humanitarian soul he is. This is such a compassionate world after all. Where I come from, they are saying that the USA is run by jews and it is they who decide what the United States' foreign policy is about. They own the Federal Reserve and most of the financial institutions and they pick the President too. Not that I really care because in either of my worlds, anti-semitism doesn't raise it's ugly head. I think what they really mean is Zionism and they confuse the two most culpably. In either world, you don't necessarily have to be a Semite to be a Zionist.
Oh dear, Gordon Brown is in trouble again. He won't drop the higher road-tax on cars imposed on all vehicles manufactured since 2001. Poor man! Whatever he does, he is never popular with the British public. Cameron shouted at him today and said that if he didn't get rid of this latest idea, then the voters would get rid of him. I thought he was going to cry. He'd better think of something fast or Heaven help him, he will lose his job!
In my old world, the real reason proffered for this tax was because of a ruling from the EU. It was part of the Global Warming tax scam. Cameron is powerless to implement any change too but in order to give an air of democracy to the whole charade, it's in his interests to feign argument. Since entering this more mundane world, I realise that this view on events is total baloney.
My word, it's so great to be back. I no longer have to worry about the Media telling lies or to worry over politicians hoodwinking the populace. Everything is orderly and ship-shape and I'm starting to fit in very nicely. Obviously, it's my own fault - caused through an incessant yearning for truth and delving into the archives of alternative thought and having swallowed a bitter pill. The change will take a lot of getting used to but I don't mind. I'm safe and snugly cocooned in a world of celebrities and fantastic TV.
Pass me the sick bucket.